I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
