My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
