Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
