She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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