Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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