ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
is that a dick in a sweater?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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