it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
