addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
