Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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