chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
