Im at strip club and am horny
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
