Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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