You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
