Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
