So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
