It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
