He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
are you so shy because you have an std?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
