2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
please come you make the beer taste better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
