I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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