There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
