Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
