You smell like stripper and shame
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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