ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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