I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
