Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
