turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
