I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
