No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
