For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
