WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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