Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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