Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
