i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
