Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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