sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
