if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
