I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
