I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish there were birth control emojis
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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