Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
