yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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