Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
