Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
