I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
