Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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