just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
