Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
