Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
