whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
