Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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