Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
