so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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