My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
