Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
