Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
