Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
