Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
